So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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