My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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