I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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