she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
