Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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