$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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