You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
