You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
