If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
