Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
