I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
