did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
