Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
