new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
