You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
