so that wasnt chicken after all
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
