alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
