I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
