Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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