yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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