I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
