Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Randomize
