i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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