Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
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