big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Randomize
