she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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