No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
