yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
