Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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