ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
