I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
