Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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