This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He shit in the fireplace
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
