Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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