My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
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