I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
