she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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