mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
