Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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