She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
