ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You smell like stripper and shame
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
