Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
