I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
