You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
