She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
