I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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