I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
