so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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