I will die if light touches me.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Randomize
