he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Randomize
