it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
